Trip Report, Part 3
Sorry I kept you hanging. Let’s get back to the recap. This time, it’ll go a lot faster, because I plan to cheat. I’m going to have help on day two.
But first, we have to finish up day one. We pulled into Branson, Missouri, perfectly timed to check into our hotel. My husband splurged on a suite because he loves me. We didn’t need the full kitchen or even the plush living room. No. He made sure I had a nice tub to soak in, and that only came with the full suite. He’s a good guy.
We relaxed for a bit (and poured over the many pamphlets we’d collected at Fantastic Caverns, then pulled ourselves together to investigate this weird town everyone always tries to sell us on.
The main drag was cool, and got cooler as it got darker. There are basically two main choices for what to do in the evening in Branson: Dinner or a show. We were there the day before the official season started, and it was a Thursday. Many of the shows we might’ve been interested in weren’t going on that night. In the end, we decided not to spend $100 for a pair of tickets to a show we weren’t that interested in.
And dinner? Did you not read Trip Report, Part 2? Dinner wasn’t happening. So full.
So, we drove around. We oohed and ahhed at the lights, the giant King Kong hanging from the Hollywood Wax Museum building. And ultimately, we discovered a little gem we didn’t know to ask for: A Disney Store outlet. I bought stuff. Crazy stuff. I’m wearing the Duck Tales tee shirt and the Maleficent nail polish right now. When I’m done, I will put my laptop in my new Mickey Mouse laptop sleeve. I made out like a bandit, and it was super cheap. I hate shopping, so this was kind of a weird deal.
We drove around some more. Watched people driving go karts on a weird multistory winding path, and we got frozen custard, which I took back to the room and ate in the bathtub while I read a book. (My bathtub at home sucks. Don’t judge me. It was my vacation.)
So, a pretty quiet, relaxed end to a great day. Day one was a success.
And then there was day two. Oh, Day Two. Why do you hurt me, so?
On our trip to Denver, I Googled “best breakfast in Denver” and found what really had to be the best breakfast in Denver. It was fantastic. The same strategy in Branson failed like a giant failing thing on the last failing planet in a failing solar system.
No. I won’t tell you what restaurant it was. But if you’ve never eaten sausage patties fried in lard, I wish you great success in avoiding it for your entire life. I think, somehow, even my apple juice was fried in lard.
Somewhere in there while we were trying to figure out which food was the least greasy so we could get at least a little protein out of the meal, Branson royalty came to our table. I don’t know who she was, and I seem to have lost the postcard she dropped on our table featuring her dressed as Wonder Woman. But she invited us to come to her show. Also, I’ve never in my life seen so much glitter in a red lipstick. Her lips looked like Dorothy’s shoes. I couldn’t look away from them. They were beautiful. It seemed a little formal for breakfast, but, hey–it was Branson. Before you ask, no she wasn’t dressed as Wonder Woman when she came to our table. She was in a rhinestone cowgirl outfit. It was spiffy and bright.
Anyway, neither of us ate very much, but what we did eat made us so queasy and glassy-eyed that we stumbled unaware on the way out directly into the red, manicured talons of the Southern Goldnecked Tourist Vulture.
Now, here’s where I break with tradition. I don’t normally refer to my husband by name, but if you’ve stuck with me through all this, you deserve to know what happened next, and he’s already written it up here: Strange Lights and Missing Time in Branson, Missouri.
Go read that. And yes, that’s really my awesome husband. Apparently, his post got a hit on a Branson site, which a Branson message board picked up on. They are not happy with him. There’s a link to that hilarious discussion in the comments to his post.
I will be back Friday to wrap up the trip.
Didn’t I tell you I was going to milk it for as long as I could?
See you real soon!
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